Different and Gloriously Free

 

I've been working through a book on writing poetry, and one of the prompts simply said, Write a letter to your younger self. I wasn't expecting where it would take me. As I wrote, I found myself speaking to the little boy who lived in a house that many people probably thought was normal enough. What most people couldn't see was the abuse my siblings and I endured, the neglect, the chaos created by addiction, and the constant message that I specifically was unwanted and always would be. It was so deeply embedded that one her death bed my mother stated that in her mind I didn’t even exist. Those are heavy words to write, but they are part of my story.

The poem isn't about pretending those years didn't happen. Trauma doesn't disappear because enough time passes or because life becomes good. Some days those memories feel far away while on other days they arrive without warning, carried by a smell, a sound, or a feeling that suddenly makes the past feel painfully present. Healing has taught me that both realities can exist at the same time. The past still leaves scars, but it no longer gets to decide who I am.

By God's grace, my story did not end where it began. Today I have a loving family, a healthy marriage, children who are growing up in a different kind of home, and a life filled with purpose I never imagined possible. The roots of this family tree have changed. What once produced pain is, by God's mercy, producing hope. That doesn't erase what happened, but it does redeem it. 

The generations that follow are experiencing something I once wondered was even possible.

I also know my story isn't unique. While the details may differ, many people carry family trauma, hidden wounds, or the fear that if others really knew them, they would no longer be loved. Some are still hiding parts of themselves because the people around them have never felt safe. If that's you, I hope this poem reminds you that your scars do not disqualify you from a beautiful future. They can become part of the story God uses to bring healing, compassion, and hope to others walking behind you.

The poem ends by saying life doesn't necessarily become better. It becomes different and gloriously free. I believe that with all my heart. Not because the past disappears, but because grace is stronger than shame, love is louder than the lies we were told, and God has a remarkable way of growing healthy branches from roots that once seemed beyond saving.